Polly Ryan is a marriage and family therapist in Truckee. She is also a counselor at Sugar Bowl Academy and works with the Tahoe Truckee Unified School District, and was part of the response team formed at Truckee High School in the wake of a male student’s suicide on Jan. 17 (see “Out of Tragedies, Lessons and Hope” from the February print edition). Ryan, who is concerned by the loss of three boys and one young man to suicide in three years, believes that boys are suffering as competition is removed more and more from schools and sports. To fill the void, Ryan says boys are turning to violent video games, which can desensitize and demotivate them and lead to depression. According to a teacher at Tahoe Lake Elementary, boys as young as 8 and 9 years old have told her they play video games like “Grand Theft Auto” and “Call of Duty,” which have a Mature 17+ rating for sexual content and violence. Out of seven categories in the ratings system, only two levels are higher than M — Adults Only 18+ and Rating Pending.
Moonshine Ink: How was the school impacted by the Jan. 17 suicide?
Polly Ryan: This suicide hit the school very hard. All the kids I talked to knew what to look for, and this boy exhibited none of they symptoms. That’s what really upset them.
I was really impressed by the school’s response. They gave the kids carte blanche to do what they needed to do to get support. I couldn’t have thought of one thing more they could have done.
MI: Do you think there have been a lot of suicides in the area?
PR: In the last [three] years, four young men in high school or their early twenties committing suicide is quite alarming. I think it’s a very high rate.
MI: Why do you think this is happening?
PR: In the book “Boys Adrift: The Five Factors Driving the Growing Epidemic of Unmotivated Boys and Underachieving Young Men” by Dr. Leonard Sax, he talks about how young males are having a hard time in our culture. Our education system is geared more toward girls. Boys can’t find their place not only in school, but in society. Because they have a more competitive need, they don’t know how to fit in. PE is so minimal now, and it’s important for boys in development.
We have to ask, “What is it with our young men that this [depression, suicide] is happening?”
MI: What do you think boys are doing to find that competition?
PR: They play highly addictive, violent video games because the programming is competitive, and that’s what they’re craving. Like gambling, it’s extremely addictive. I think it’s a huge factor. It destroys part of their brain for motivation. They have a hard time finding their place. Issues of depression feed into it — they are not successful in the world, social skills become weak and underdeveloped.
MI: What can parents do?
PR: We need to monitor violence levels of video games. There is no feedback from games — if you slaughtered a bunch of people, you would get feedback, physically and emotionally.
MI: But in Tahoe with all of our sports there seems to be a high emphasis on competition. Is it not the right kind of competition?
PR: I think our community has a really high focus on athleticism and competition, in a very elite kind of way. There is less a cultivation of other innate human strengths; not all of us are athletes. For boys, there is a real push for extreme sports. And, of course, the depression, anxiety they feel, sometimes it’s hidden.
MI: You have an 11-year old son. What is your policy with him and video games?
PR: I do allow him to play video games and attempt to monitor the violence level and general content of the games he chooses, as well as the amount of time he is allowed to play video games. He often says, “I know it is not real,” but as an adult I know a bit more about how the brain and nervous system work and that on some level he is desensitizing himself to destruction and falling under the spell of the gaming industry’s sales tactics. Additionally, I can see the subtle, negative changes in his behavior and personality when he has played video games for an extended period of time that are imperceptible to him. It is a constant struggle since he really likes to play video games and all of his friends play them, too.
