You who came from above to drive me to the hills
Your traction provided security.
You were supposed to be reliable.
But you had perhaps been neglected and definitely underused.
So one day
you just exploded, shattered, melted down
because no one could see you or hear you or help you.
You reached a threshold, the pressure too much to climb another
mountain.
So you let go and broke through, but I insisted that it was not the end.
I would invest in you, make you like new from the inside out.
Some shook their heads disapprovingly, something else could go.
Life’s like that, I told them feigning faith.
But secretly, while I poured money into you, I hated you and thought you were never good enough.
I spilled coffee on your interior unapologetically.
I continued your vanity-—fixing your sheer exterior when a bear forced
himself upon you,
Demanding a new grill when they absentmindedly dropped you off the tow truck.
But I cursed you in dark corners, when your dimming lights failed to show me the way.
You knew that I called you my ‘problem child’ behind closed doors,
That I wished I could get rid of you, but thought no one would take you.
Eventually I let life’s grime find its way into your most intimate parts and no longer tried to cleanse you.
When your engine transplant failed, just three years after the procedure, I called the dealership in tears, but no one would hear my pleas.
The new doctors said you had six months, maybe a year.
My heart was broken, but not for you, for me.
For how helpless and lonely I would be without you.
For how much money and by money, I mean time working to save, I had put into you only to be disappointed again.
You deserved more little Blubaru.
You were enough and you did well.
Not all parts are made to last and you were dealt a faulty hand.
So farewell
Perhaps you are worth more, by piece, than the sum of all your parts.
~ Karyn Stanley is a writer and photographer living in Kings Beach. When she is not out mastering her creative crafts, she can be found organizing Arctic and Antarctic ski adventures for Truckee-based Ice Axe Expeditions. iceaxe.tv, karynstanley.com
