Dear Editor
Unsubstantiated Piece
Regarding Mrs. Brooks’ opinion piece on last names and marriage in the July print edition (V7, N 8), I found it quite offensive.
While I understand that Mrs. Brooks’ opinions are her own, she doesn’t give any context, background, or facts surrounding the traditional of women changing their last names, and instead makes an unfounded logical leap to suggest that all women who don’t take their husband’s last name have ‘one foot out the door’ in their marriage. Is that a statistical fact? Is that even an ANCEDOTAL fact, considering Mrs. Brooks relies exclusively on anecdotes in fleshing out her topic? Last name changing is just one of a multitude of potential changes, mutual growth, and collaborations that mark the beginning of a marriage, and just as I wouldn’t suggest that women who take their husband’s name are intentionally upholding the primacy of patrilineality or the antiquated tradition of women being treated as property and having no rights in the eyes of the law, I wouldn’t blindly discount the numerous and well-thought out reasons that women have for keeping their maiden names.
The piece provides no counter-point and no support for the author’s opinions. Its lazy writing, and quite frankly, to quote Mrs. Brookes, I found it to be ‘complete bunk.’ Poor editorial judgment, Moonshine.
Sincerely,
Vanya Akraboff
Response from Joanna
Ms. Akraboff,
Let me ask you a question. If I had included any ‘context, background or facts surrounding the tradition of women changing their last names,’ as you suggested, would it have changed your mind?
I write an opinion column, not a history column. What we have here is a difference of opinion, and despite your spirited letters to the editor*, I don’t think your values are going to change any faster than mine.
In your letter to the editor you appeared to be extremely offended by my ‘foot out the door’ comment. I stick by my opinion that not taking your husbands last name is a public display that you are one entity and he is another. If this is the case, why get married?
Women are raised to believe they can and should be able to do it all without a man. I believe this is largely to blame for women feeling so inadequate today. We can make our own money, we can buy our own houses; hell we can have our own babies. Look, nobody can do it all – not you, not me – nor should we want to. People crave companionship. Everyone wants to belong to someone. Leave ‘property’ out of it, that’s not what my article was about. Taking your husband’s last name is an announcement to the world of a little less ‘me’ and a little more ‘we.’
Let me share something with you. I have met a lot of men in life and while many of them do respect their spouse’s decision to keep her maiden name, none of them have been indifferent to it. They all wish things would have gone differently. Not the best way to start out a marriage in my opinion. But then again, it is just an opinion.
~ Joanna Brooks
* Editorial note: Ms. Akraboff also engaged in an eloquent debate with a Moonshine staffer, unfortunately due to space restraints, we are unable to publish her further thoughts.
