By REBECCA YOPS, MFT | Moonshine Ink
Nothing could have prepared me for the crippling level of anxiety that overtook me after having my daughter. I am a therapist you see, so I “knew” what to look for and, together with my own therapist, I prepared to work through the adjustment. Unfortunately, there is not much information to help moms, dads, and mental health professionals prepare for and spot the symptoms of postpartum depression. As a new mom, I was blindsided by the less-than-talked-about symptoms.
What comes to your mind when you hear the term postpartum depression? Sadness, crying, an overwhelmed mom? Anger, isolation, lack of basic hygiene? These are all some of the very real and upsetting traits associated with this perinatal illness. Other, less-talked-about traits include anxiety, intrusive thoughts, and obsessive-compulsive disorder, including thoughts of harm coming to your baby or you accidentally harming your child.
Here is my story. I had a scheduled cesarean section because my daughter was breech. The surgery did not worry me, as it was planned, yet many women who do not experience the birth they imagined can be predisposed to PPD. As I was recovering in the hospital, my daughter was diagnosed with hypoglycemia and taken to the neonatal intensive care unit. As a new parent, there was nothing more terrifying than the NICU. I was lucky enough to be down the hall and visit frequently, but I was traumatized. The lack of sleep and hormonal shifts started to eat away at the precious amount of sanity I had left. My husband was a rock and kept me from going off the deep end, yet he too was terrified. We were not off to the dreamy start we had imagined.
The statistics show that roughly 20 percent of mothers experience some degree of postpartum depression and anxiety. Yet, American media and cultural expectations do a terrible job of supporting postpartum mothers. We market baby products with glowing images of mothers post-baby breastfeeding in bliss, hair coiffed in a serene white bedroom with roses on the bedside. HA! The media also sensationalizes horror stories of mothers who take their own children’s lives in extreme cases of psychotic episodes. Attention focused on such extremes is far from the day-to-day realities experienced by new parents.
Back to my story. We were finally released, after six days in the hospital. Our daughter was perfect, with the sweetest temperament, and our hearts were bursting more and more each day. At around six weeks we had a follow-up exam on my daughter’s hips because female babies who are breech have a higher rate of hip dysplasia. The results came back and her hip dysplasia was now a reality. Our hearts sank and extreme panic set in. Fear and protection of our baby became heightened. At seven weeks old, my daughter was placed in a very odd-looking external body brace called a Pavlik Harness. We called it her flight suit and made light of the situation as best as we could. While inside, we were devastated.
Thinking of every way my baby could be harmed destroyed me. What if someone stomped on her, what if a bomb flew through the window, what if a tree fell and smashed into her crib. The thoughts did not stop. I could not sleep or eat, yet still had to care for this new life.
Going out to get ice tea at a coffee shop 10 minutes from my house became a huge deal. I had a dear friend support me through the whole trip via text message. I was so proud of myself, that I had gone to get ice tea, that I sent her a selfie!
My husband was so strong through all of this, yet statistics show that fathers feel tremendously isolated as well with the birth of children. Their place has become second or third, and they no longer receive the same amount of affection and attention from their wives they once did.
We are now well into the toddler years and our daughter is doing wonderfully. All of those initial stressors have subsided tremendously and we are continuing on with our new life as a family.
Postpartum depression comes with many different triggers, and for each woman they can be different. Symptoms usually appear within the first six months post-baby, but can materialize well after a baby arrives. A move to a new home, disruption in economic flow, fear of returning to work — the list for potential triggers goes on. Fortunately, there is hope. A therapist, your closest friends and family, or a psychiatrist can all help you feel more normalized during PPD.
During winter, with shorter daylight hours and colder temperatures, PPD can become more severe with isolation and difficulty leaving the home. These holiday months bring with it many expectations; comparing a new mother’s newborn experience to anyone else is not helpful, as each woman is figuring it out for herself.
Thankfully, there is no greater feeling than knowing we are not alone, and that others have struggled. It is like breathing air into a new mommy’s lungs so she can take a deep breath and realize things will be OK.
